strikeraid | IC CONTACT

[ ........... oh wait... he remembers talking to her once. she's one of danny's friends? huh. ]

has anyone told you yuo type like a saturday morning cartoon villain
and also that im not in a position to give a fukc right now

Wow, cracks a8out my typing! I 8n't never heard THAT 8efore! Yawn.
As for your willingness to give fucks, that is actually pretty much the reason I am talking to you. We are going to discuss fucking, Skippy. We are going to talk a8out your future sex life in gr8 detail and you are going to sit there like a good little 8oy and take this all in.

(Innuendo FULLY intended.)

[ it wasn't a crack, it was an observation. really. he is about to tell her this but the last few sentences throw him, bodily, across the metaphorical room. ]

what

Don't start getting all coy on me now, tough guy!
8oys. Jesus dick.
8ut ok. Ok! I am ALL a8out making you comforta8le here. So I guess if you are going to 8e some kind of prissy-ass prude a8out this we can ease you in gently (lol)!
How many of these st8tements would you say apply to how you feel a8out Danny?

☐ "I h8 him."
☐ "I really super h8 him."
☐ "The h8 I have for Danny 'Closet Full O Spandex' Fenton is a really special kind of h8 that never goes away."
☐ "He is my 8iggest rival and favorite punching 8ag."
☐ "Sometimes I stop whatever I am currently doing and start fantasizing a8out punching Danny in the face."
☐ "Causing actual 8odily harm to Danny would 8ring me deep personal satisfaction."
☐ "Just reading all these options is getting me kind of irrit8ted and if Danny were here right now I would 8e all over him like an angry punchy fucking rash."

Please 8e honest! The sooner you comply, the sooner we are done here. ::::)

is this a joke
i don't get it
this doesn't even make sense

[ aaaand his head is killing him aaand he might be taking a short break here to go hurl somewhere. there will be a small pause between this temporal point and his next reply while he chucks his cookies. ]

Do you WANT me to get inside your head and force you to post ACTUAL dick pics to the entire network, Scutter8utt?
Is that what you are angling for here? Is that your deal?
8ecause if NOT then I suggest you stop trying to make sense of anything and instead JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION.
How many of those st8tements are true? It's all of them, right? Right????????

[ fifteen minutes later he's back and has had some water and oh god this wasn't a hangover hallucination or something

Are all of Danny's little friends fucking crazy? ]

no
go away

Edited (punctuation) 2014-03-04 18:02 (UTC)

Nope!
I only go away when I get what I want. And what I want from you is only the most casual and innocent of chats!
8ut if you 8n't going to play nice then I guess I can just go and start spreading the word a8out exactly what you have under your shirt?

[ Meaning his impressive collection of extra nipples courtesy of the Locke City Police Department, obviously ]

what i have

[ ... what the fuck. what the fuck. did danny tell this chick about the blood key thing too? christ. and he's not allowed to hunt these fuckers down anymore. ]

okay how much did he tell you

Edited (html) 2014-03-04 18:08 (UTC)

He told me EVERYTHING.
Enough for me to know that you are affili8ted with a certain organis8tion I got some pretty severe pro8lems with!
I am judging your taste in friends, Scoo8ydoo. I am judging it HARDCORE. I suggest that you look at your life and your choices on your own time.
8ut for NOW I suggest that you cooper8te with my incredi8ly reasona8le demands! Isn't it gr8 that we can all 8e civil a8out this?

[ j e s u s f u c k i n g c h r i s t ]

so i do this ok cupid from hell kind of questionnaire thing and you won't spam up my inbox or mind control me or whatever
is that the deal

It is the first part of the deal.
8ut don't worry a8out the rest for now! You 8n't really in a position to talk terms anyway, right?
Just get on your questionnaireing. All will 8e revealed. ::::)

jesus fucking christ are all his friends batshit

yes
no
no
no (who the fuck has rivals in the twenty first century)
yes
yes
well now i am

happy

LOTS of people have rivals, you fucking stooge. Especially people who are heroes (like me) or villains (like you) or Tinymon trainers (like every8ody with a 3DS)!
8ut ok. Cutting to the chase. I have analysed your results.
It is a good thing that I contacted you, Skijump. 8ecause according to these answers?
You two will 8e 8umping dicks within WEEKS. May8e days.
Danny's dong will 8ecome intim8tely familiar with your face. And I 8n't talking sharpie doodles! So you are going to need my expert advice.

are you fucking high
what part of "i hate danny fenton" isn't going through
i'd diagram the sentence but i'll be real with you
i am too. goddamn. hung over. for that.

Oh, 8less your heart! Dear, sweet innocent Sconce-ler. How little you know.
Are you familiar with the concept of "h8-8oners?"
8ecause if not, you are going to 8e soon.
VERY familiar. Intim8tely familiar, if you will. Wink wink! :::;)

if that's supposed to say hate-boners

wait that doesn't make a difference this is still horseshit what the fuck are you trying to pull

I am just giving you the lowdown on what is happening here!
Namely that h8-8oners? An actual thing.
In his past life, Danny was a gray alien guy with orange horns and weird yellow eyes and weird-colored 8lood! And so was I.
And the thing a8out those aliens is that they had a little thing that we called "8lack romance."
8lackrom.
Kismesissitude!
Do you see where I am going with this? Do you need more deets?

[ yes. and no. ]

can't i just not know about it
one fucked up alien invasion is enough for me
i don't want to hate-bone anyone
i don't want to bone anyone period right now

You don't want to 8one any8ody? What the fuck is WRONG with you????????

I mean shut the fuck up with your weak-ass protest8tions.
You h8 Danny! Danny h8s you.
And that is how a 8lack romance 8egins! You metaphorically get right up each others' asses. And then you do that in a more literal sense.
It's 8asically a sustained and incredi8ly sexually-charged rivalry!
Where you fight each other sometimes and get your h8 on and may8e scratch them up a little 8ecause you want to hurt them and also mark them as YOURS and then you slam them against a wall so they are 8ll helpl8ss and at y8ur mercy 8nd th8n you lean in and they don't kn8w if you're going to smooch them or 8ITE them and as it turns out you do 8OTH and it's sick and gross and s8 wr8ng 8ut it's also hid8ously RIGHT.

And stuff.

[ skyler does not know what fanfiction is outside of what he's seen on the network but he is pretty sure this is it and he really doesn't like it ]

i do want to bone someone but the reason why now isn't a great god damn time is none of your business (even though you think it is i guess??)
and even if i did the last person on my list wouldn't be danny because he wouldn't be on the list at all are you out of your god damn mind
i'm not one of your horny alien jackasses i'm not even fucking close why are you even telling me about this i don't fucking care i'm not going to hatebone danny fenton jesus fucking christ

Rofl. Adora8le.
You are SO going to h8-8ang him. It is a foregone conclusion!
I 8n't never seen a more perfect h8-couple. You are meant to 8e. F8ted to 8oink each other as h8fully as possi8le.
I don't even think that you not 8eing a gray person will save you. Like we pro8a8ly give off weird sexy h8 pheromones or something.
You already admitted that you get ~*~*satisfaction*~*~ from hurting dear sweet Danny! Which means you are halfway to kismesis town.
8etter you accept it asap!

fated how
is this a geek thing that i'm not getting
is this a fanfiction thing
because nothing you're saying makes sense
except the wanting to punch his face in part but that's because i fucking hate the guy i don't want to sex him up that's the most ass-backward dipshit logic i've ever heard
and if you guys give off pheromones i'll just stay the fuck away there problem SOLVED

[ Despite the tough talk, he's. Legitimately wondering if Danny does give off pheromones. Sexy pheromones. Oh shit. Oh shit. ]

Ok first. Not a geek!
Secondly, it 8n't GOT to make sense. I am just giving you the facts.
You have already got his musky h8-scent in your nostrils. It is too l8 for you now.
Allow me to illustr8 your predicament with this handy flowchart!

You are welcome.

[ Hello friends. Welcome to "How to be a cyborg", hosted live from meta-space. Fact one of being a cyborg: You have awesome cyborg sturdiness and hella strength now! Wow! Awesome! Fact two: You have super cool new abilities powered by a stake driven right up your spinal cord and into your brain that we never told you about! Great! Neato! Fact three: A side effect of having a stake driven into your warm, rubbery gray matter is an increased amount of suggestibility that was supposed to facilitate the process of becoming a good little cyborg minion. But it also increases said gullibility in other areas of the lives of even the most suspicious, cynical jackasses out there! Such as being told that you are now an alien's hate-boyfriend and there is no ollying out of said deal. SUPER. GADZOOKS.

Skyler is starting to believe this bullshit. That is what we are getting at here. ]

my hair doesn't look like that

[ yet. ]

and i am not going to hate-bang danny fenton
i don't want to hate-bang him
i didn't ask for this

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text; sorry just thought of something better

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