strikeraid | IC CONTACT

[ j e s u s f u c k i n g c h r i s t ]

so i do this ok cupid from hell kind of questionnaire thing and you won't spam up my inbox or mind control me or whatever
is that the deal

It is the first part of the deal.
8ut don't worry a8out the rest for now! You 8n't really in a position to talk terms anyway, right?
Just get on your questionnaireing. All will 8e revealed. ::::)

jesus fucking christ are all his friends batshit

yes
no
no
no (who the fuck has rivals in the twenty first century)
yes
yes
well now i am

happy

LOTS of people have rivals, you fucking stooge. Especially people who are heroes (like me) or villains (like you) or Tinymon trainers (like every8ody with a 3DS)!
8ut ok. Cutting to the chase. I have analysed your results.
It is a good thing that I contacted you, Skijump. 8ecause according to these answers?
You two will 8e 8umping dicks within WEEKS. May8e days.
Danny's dong will 8ecome intim8tely familiar with your face. And I 8n't talking sharpie doodles! So you are going to need my expert advice.

are you fucking high
what part of "i hate danny fenton" isn't going through
i'd diagram the sentence but i'll be real with you
i am too. goddamn. hung over. for that.

Oh, 8less your heart! Dear, sweet innocent Sconce-ler. How little you know.
Are you familiar with the concept of "h8-8oners?"
8ecause if not, you are going to 8e soon.
VERY familiar. Intim8tely familiar, if you will. Wink wink! :::;)

if that's supposed to say hate-boners

wait that doesn't make a difference this is still horseshit what the fuck are you trying to pull

I am just giving you the lowdown on what is happening here!
Namely that h8-8oners? An actual thing.
In his past life, Danny was a gray alien guy with orange horns and weird yellow eyes and weird-colored 8lood! And so was I.
And the thing a8out those aliens is that they had a little thing that we called "8lack romance."
8lackrom.
Kismesissitude!
Do you see where I am going with this? Do you need more deets?

[ yes. and no. ]

can't i just not know about it
one fucked up alien invasion is enough for me
i don't want to hate-bone anyone
i don't want to bone anyone period right now

You don't want to 8one any8ody? What the fuck is WRONG with you????????

I mean shut the fuck up with your weak-ass protest8tions.
You h8 Danny! Danny h8s you.
And that is how a 8lack romance 8egins! You metaphorically get right up each others' asses. And then you do that in a more literal sense.
It's 8asically a sustained and incredi8ly sexually-charged rivalry!
Where you fight each other sometimes and get your h8 on and may8e scratch them up a little 8ecause you want to hurt them and also mark them as YOURS and then you slam them against a wall so they are 8ll helpl8ss and at y8ur mercy 8nd th8n you lean in and they don't kn8w if you're going to smooch them or 8ITE them and as it turns out you do 8OTH and it's sick and gross and s8 wr8ng 8ut it's also hid8ously RIGHT.

And stuff.

[ skyler does not know what fanfiction is outside of what he's seen on the network but he is pretty sure this is it and he really doesn't like it ]

i do want to bone someone but the reason why now isn't a great god damn time is none of your business (even though you think it is i guess??)
and even if i did the last person on my list wouldn't be danny because he wouldn't be on the list at all are you out of your god damn mind
i'm not one of your horny alien jackasses i'm not even fucking close why are you even telling me about this i don't fucking care i'm not going to hatebone danny fenton jesus fucking christ

Rofl. Adora8le.
You are SO going to h8-8ang him. It is a foregone conclusion!
I 8n't never seen a more perfect h8-couple. You are meant to 8e. F8ted to 8oink each other as h8fully as possi8le.
I don't even think that you not 8eing a gray person will save you. Like we pro8a8ly give off weird sexy h8 pheromones or something.
You already admitted that you get ~*~*satisfaction*~*~ from hurting dear sweet Danny! Which means you are halfway to kismesis town.
8etter you accept it asap!

fated how
is this a geek thing that i'm not getting
is this a fanfiction thing
because nothing you're saying makes sense
except the wanting to punch his face in part but that's because i fucking hate the guy i don't want to sex him up that's the most ass-backward dipshit logic i've ever heard
and if you guys give off pheromones i'll just stay the fuck away there problem SOLVED

[ Despite the tough talk, he's. Legitimately wondering if Danny does give off pheromones. Sexy pheromones. Oh shit. Oh shit. ]

Ok first. Not a geek!
Secondly, it 8n't GOT to make sense. I am just giving you the facts.
You have already got his musky h8-scent in your nostrils. It is too l8 for you now.
Allow me to illustr8 your predicament with this handy flowchart!

You are welcome.

[ Hello friends. Welcome to "How to be a cyborg", hosted live from meta-space. Fact one of being a cyborg: You have awesome cyborg sturdiness and hella strength now! Wow! Awesome! Fact two: You have super cool new abilities powered by a stake driven right up your spinal cord and into your brain that we never told you about! Great! Neato! Fact three: A side effect of having a stake driven into your warm, rubbery gray matter is an increased amount of suggestibility that was supposed to facilitate the process of becoming a good little cyborg minion. But it also increases said gullibility in other areas of the lives of even the most suspicious, cynical jackasses out there! Such as being told that you are now an alien's hate-boyfriend and there is no ollying out of said deal. SUPER. GADZOOKS.

Skyler is starting to believe this bullshit. That is what we are getting at here. ]

my hair doesn't look like that

[ yet. ]

and i am not going to hate-bang danny fenton
i don't want to hate-bang him
i didn't ask for this

Oh, don't 8e such a 8a8y. Just accept it already!
It won't 8e THAT 8ad. I mean he 8n't really my type 8ut Danny is pretty cute, right?
And you are o8viously already ALL a8out 8eating the shit out of him. You will just 8e introducing ANOTHER way to 8low (lol) off steam into the mix!
You should em8race this valua8le opportunity for what it is. Which is A SUREFIRE CHANCE TO 8ONE A DUDE.
The sooner you come to terms with it, the sooner you can start taking other things into consider8tion.
Like h8-d8s. (Hate dates.) Those are a thing!
You should pro8a8ly also start carrying protection around in case your urges get to 8e too much. For all we know, mpreg was a thing where we come from! So you can't 8e too careful. ::::)

but
i'm not gay tho
what the fuck is mpreg
why is any of this happening

Mpreg is male pregnancy. Google it, loser. And wow, you people and your narrow ideas a8out sexuality!
Congrats. You are now 8isexual. Or may8e you are a str8 guy who will make an exception for Danny?
Dannysexual.
If you didn't want this, you shouldn't have made so many h8-advances on him with the 8eatings and stuff! You have only yourself and weird alien hormones to 8lame.
Try not to worry a8out it. It will 8e an adventure. An adventure featuring ALL THE 8ONERS.
All of them!

what the FUCK. I DON'T WANT TO GET ALIEN KNOCKED UP ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME. why are you calling this an adventure this is literally hell.
is making an exception for one person even a real thing
i don't think so

Edited (i didn't like the caps :T) 2014-03-04 22:00 (UTC)

Of course making an exception for one person is a thing! I 8n't a les8ian 8ut I would TOTALLY still 8e all up in my 8oyfriend's grill if he was a lady.
Sometimes when you feel super strongly a8out some8ody, that stuff don't matter!
It's kind of cute. Look at you getting all overemotional and overwhelmed! Aww. C::::

what the hell is your problem
is this like
a reverse psychology thing
trying to make me think that hating him is actually fucking terrible so i come out the other end trying to make friendly with him
because for the love of god i didn't need this to make me think fucking around with him is a shitty idea

[ itt one last ditch effort to save his sanity ]

What? No way!
8eing friendly with him would pro8a8ly only make him h8 you MORE. I know it'd piss ME off.
I'd 8e all like "wow! This fuck8ag who has 8ullied me since FOREVER thinks he can get all 8uddy-8uddy with me all of a sudden?
I am going to pound him into the ground and FUCK HIM UP. In every sense of the word."
So I mean gr8 jo8 if that's what you're going for? 8ut just gra88ing him and smooching him and may8e copping a feel would pro8a8ly work 8etter.

[ WELL. HE KNEW THAT. :( ]

okay even if this is all true (it's not) and i believe you (i don't) what makes you think talking about all this is going to make me think that this is okay
what is going to stop me from getting off this bullshit roadshow and just
you know
walking away
never even thought about hateboning anyone before you came along so i don't think it's too late for me to evacuate

Why, Skeletor. You and I 8oth know that 8n't going to happen!
The concept of h8sexings is within you now. You have 8een corrupted 8y its essence. The seed has 8een planted.
Even if you try to a8scond (which is for weaky-weak cowardly weaklings, just fyi) your own urges and feelings and willingness to punch fragile weenies in the face won't LET you!
You will 8ecome a shadow of your former self. A pale imit8tion, consumed 8y lust. H8-lust.
And as you gaze at Danny from afar a single tear will roll down your cheek as you whisper "god DAMN I want to kick (and also tap) that ass."

i'm pretty sure you're making all of that up

[ no he's not. ]

and me running away from this is my way of saying that this isn't going to happen because i'm not gonna stick around for it long enough to take
i'm not a coward i just know i don't want to bone danny fenton

also do you actually know my name or

IC CONTACT

text;

text;

text;

text;

text;

text;

text;

text;

text; sorry just thought of something better

text;

text;

text;

text;

text;

text;

text;

text;

text;

text;

text;

text;

text;

text;

text;

text;

text;

text;

text;

text;

text;

text;

text;

text;

text;

text;

text;

text;

text;

text;